Experiencing one of those things you can never ever be prepared for nor even understand to the fullest extent unless you have been through it yourself...
Mourning!
Missing my dad terribly.
It's been one week to the day of the phone call I received from the Fire Department telling me my dad had collapsed! Feeling like I need to share the story...or at least the events that led up to. There are many details I'm sure I will miss, but they'll come in due time!
Sunday, December 11, 2011 was the last time I saw, touched, kissed, hugged, talked to my Dad...it was my birthday and they stopped by to see me. I am so sad to even think that my birthday will forever be linked to the last time I ever saw him AND I am elated with JOY because I DID get to see him, as there are many who have experienced a loved one pass away that they've not seen/or talked with in a while.
Monday morning, December 12, 2011 as I was getting into the shower I heard the sirens (we live 2 blocks from Fire Department) take off and thought to myself, "Oh boy, that's not a good sign," and proceeded with getting ready for work. After my shower, I walked out of the bathroom into my bedroom to my cell phone ringing...it said "mom cell" and I figured it was her calling to get an answer from me about a message she left the night before. It was 7:15am. I answered, "Hey Mom!" and was met with a man's voice, "Hi this is Ryan..." I pulled the cell phone down and looked again at my caller id to double check I had read it right the first time and put the phone back up to my ear and responded, "Um..." He then repeated, "This is Ryan from the Fire Department. I am here with your mom, your dad had a heart attack and went into full cardiac arrest. We are working on him right now, trying to get his heart to beat again. Your Mom would like you to be here with her (I live 2 miles from her home)." Through shock and disbelief, I answered, not consciously, but still answered and said I'd be right there.
I hung up the phone and was shaking, but immediately called my brother Dan, who didn't answer right away, but then caught the tail end of it ringing before answering. As you can imagine the call was emotional...not the kind of call anyone wants to get nor deliver! I hung up and called my other brother, Mark and made it very clear, stay by your phone, I don't know details but I NEED YOU!!! I needed them to be available and take my call whenever they saw it ring. I grabbed my purse, Dalton grabbed his coat and off I went. Never before in my entire life did I want to break the law than that morning. I got caught behind a school bus that stopped at every street. I was tempted to pass it, but didn't. It really wouldn't have made any difference in my Dad's condition if I had. The EMT's were still working on him.
I arrived at my parents house and drove up the driveway to 7 aid vehicles. As I stopped halfway up the driveway, Dalton said he'd park my car. I got out and ran to the back deck. There I passed an EMT carrying out some equipment and I distinctly remember the look on his face...it was sad. I thought at that moment "This is it", I then rounded the corner to the dining room where my mom sat in a chair weeping, I thought at that point he was gone. Ryan, the one who'd called me saw me, introduced himself and began to share with me the situation. My dad was unconscious, they had to intubate him to help him breath and make sure if he threw up it didn't go down his lungs, they gave him medication to paralyze him so in the event he stirred he wouldn't panic and pull tubes out, they got his heart to beat again, blood pressure and pulse were steady enough to transport. They were getting ready to take him from their bedroom and put him into the ambulance. Can't believe I can even remember that much as my head was spinning.
They took my dad and I stayed with my mom while she dressed and we took off for the hospital. My brother Dan actually met the ambulance at the hospital (he lives a few mins away) and my brother Mark showed up just after mom and I parked the car. We were ushered into a waiting room in the ER and told to wait until they had brought him back down from CT scan (to find out what happened to his heart). Not sure what's worse, the waiting or the not knowing what's going on...probably both. Once they got him back to ER, they told us only 2 could go in at a time. My mom and I went...what I saw made me sick to my stomach. My dad lie on the gurney with tubes everywhere, iv's in both arms...but it was the way they were moving his head that bothered me. They bobbled it like a rag doll. He clearly was very unconscious. We were then escorted to another part of the hospital waiting room for they were moving him to have an angiogram to see what the heart was doing. More waiting...more moving as then we were escorted up to Critical Care where he would stay until he woke up. More tests...ultrasound to see what was going on. By mid-afternoon, my dad was settled in his hospital bed and we received the most puzzling news of the day. The cardiologist came in and talked with my mom and I and said it was confirmed my dad did not have a heart attack. There was no evidence in any of the tests they performed that suggests it. They didn't even think it was an A-fib issue either. He said that with the heart disease my dad had and the type of heart it was, when these patients flat-line (which he was at the scene at his home), they don't come back from it, so it was puzzling that his heart beat was steady and responsive the way it was. PAUSE... let that sink in...he didn't have a heart attack...okay then, what caused the collapse??? That is the mystery! Even to this day!
They were now at this point concerned about brain activity. Due to him being unconscious (at this point the debate could have been was his unconsciousness caused by self or medication because they'd given him sedation during transport and in ER), we had to wait 24-48 hours for the medication to run through and then they could do an EEG. So we waited...though not 24 or even 48 hours, rather less than 1 hour. The medication began to wear off and he began to show signs that there was something going on inside the brain...damage, to be honest. A couple of family members had been in with dad and came back to the waiting room to tell us that he'd been shaking/convulsing a little bit...like a seizure. The nurse then came and told us that they were going to do an EEG. My mom was confused cause they told us 24-48 hours, why now? why so early?Truth is, they suspected that my dad had suffered brain damage though they needed to confirm it with the EEG before giving the final ruling.
What took place over the next 8-10 hours was HELL!!! My dad convulsed and shook. It was horrifying to watch. They assured us that he didn't feel any of it, but that it was worse on us who were witnessing it. The shaking, convulsing and seizures was the process of the brain tissue dying off. The EEG confirmed it! He was gone...actually my mom and I believe he was gone when he hit the floor at the house. So why was the heart beating??? It's a lower brain function - heart and lungs.
We made the decision at this point that we would keep him hooked up to life support until my brother David and nephew could arrive on Tuesday from out of state. Once they arrived at the hospital, we gave both of them opportunity to say their good-byes and then we all gathered back into my dad's room, all 22 family, friends, pastors; my brother Mark prayed and ushered him into the arms of Jesus and we sang Amazing Grace! It was truly the most beautiful expression of love we could offer to not only my dad, but to the surrounding staff at the hospital, patients and visitors in other rooms because we were not quiet!!! The clouds rolled back and the gates of heaven opened, welcoming in their beloved Wes.
Dad...I love you more than words can say!
Thank you so much for giving me the gift of life through adoption.
I miss you deeply
I WILL see you again...please save me a seat!
