So…I’ve been doing a lot of thinking; rather soul searching to be precise, which is causing me to make choices/decisions that may go against the world that surrounds me.
I have the pleasure and privilege of attending a bible study close to my home, Beth Moore’s study of Daniel and boy oh boy has it been life changing. I mean really, it’s no surprise (or shouldn’t be) that this study would resonate so greatly with me considering the culture/society that I am surrounded by is really no different than the Babylon where Daniel lived. Here is how Beth Moore opens her study of Daniel, describing Babylon:
“Drive within the suburbs of modern Baghdad and you’ll find the scattered ruins of one of antiquity’s most famous cities. Her name is Babylon. Through the paintbrush of Scripture, we’ll see her rise from the dust, robe herself in riches, and paint her face like a woman of the night. Make no mistake: she aims to seduce. Posing as the beautiful life, she morphs into the current image of what every worldly man and woman wants to be--deserves to be. She is popular. She is desirable. She is intoxicating. And did I say religious? Ah yes. She believes in so much of everything that one would be hard-pressed to tell if she believes in anything. To worship self is to worship her. To worship her is to worship her king. She is dressed for success, but underneath her gaud, she is a lifeless mannequin. A fake. A poser. Her prop is the devil himself.”
So, I’ve already studied 6 weeks worth and as one could imagine, my eyes are being opened every single day to how much our current culture/society mimics that of ancient Babylon.
Beth goes on to say: ~ “If abundance leads us to pride, decadence, or an insatiable lust for more, we, like the kings described in Revelation 18, are being corrupted by it.
She goes on to quote Robert Mounce’s ‘The Book of Revelation’ book where he describes this “In her hand [Babylon] holds a golden cup that promises a heady draught of carnal satisfaction. Its contents, however, are quite otherwise…Moral corruption and all manner of ceremonial uncleanness are what she offers.’”
Wow! My mind is being transformed through this incredible study. It has caused me to ponder some things in my life. A few weeks ago while I was blow drying my hair before bible study, my thoughts began to wander to the grey hairs that so gracefully adorn my crown! It’s true, I like so many, have been coloring my hair; which in it of itself is not a bad thing! Yet, my thoughts at this moment surrounded the one question, ‘Why do I color my hair?’ Again, coloring ones hair is not a bad thing. But, in light of the new things that God is revealing to me, I had to really give heed to the question. {okay, here is me biting my lip as I am about to reveal/uncover a true piece of me that I only share with myself ~ true honesty up ahead}
I color my hair because:
I don’t want to look/feel old
I [think] that when others see grey hair they too will [think] I am old
I don’t want my kids to be embarrassed to be with me in front of others [thinking I’m old]
all around me, media ‘implies’ that a woman is beautiful/acceptable/worthy when they have perfectly colored hair.
As you can see, my responses to that question all center around what ‘others’ think/have to say about me! My thoughts (once my honesty was pure) then turned to what it would look like to embrace the body (hair included) that God blessed me with, and for me in that moment I made the choice to no longer color my hair and allow the grey to become part of me. I made the choice to be ‘in this world but NOT of this world,’ which of course has now led me to ask myself, ‘What else am I choosing to do/not do for others approval, etc?’ [keep reading, more honesty up ahead].
Another quote that Beth Moore uses in her study, which really spoke to me, is by Eugene Peterson from his book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction
“We try to get [joy] through entertainment. We pay someone to make jokes, tell stories, perform dramatic actions, sing songs. We buy the vitality of another’s imagination to divert and enliven our own poor lives. The enormous entertainment industry in America is a sign of the depletion of joy in our culture. Society is a bored, gluttonous king employing a court jester to divert it after an overindulgent meal. But that kind of joy never penetrates our lives, never changes our basic constitution. The effects are extremely temporary—a few minutes, a few hours, a few days at most. When we run out of money, the joy trickles away.”
Ouch! Can you say sock in the gut, well for me anyways. Remember how I said I’d been pondering a few things? Well here’s another! Facebook. A unique site to make new friends, re-connect with old friends, stay current with friendships. For some, FB has become a place of networking for business or causes. It’s fun. It’s entertaining. For many, it’s addicting/consuming. It took me awhile before I finally bit the bullet and joined and began making connections with friends old/new. Hubby and boys had accounts and I found myself checking theirs regularly that I finally found it to be silly when I could just have one myself. Yet, the thing that kept me away from it all along was the concern that it would/could consume more time out of my day checking for updates (I have been known to refer to it as stalker-book)! Nonetheless, I jumped in and decided that I would set safeguards against that, only checking it once/twice a day. Successful?, Somewhat!
A few days ago, I made the choice to deactivate my FB account (and even thinking about it now, I am not sure why I just didn’t delete it instead – another thought to ponder I suppose), and here is my why [again biting my lip as pure and utter honesty is about to appear] ~ it became a source of jealousy for me! There I said it and yes my heart is pounding right now.
I became jealous when I would see ‘friends’ post stuff on other friend’s walls and not on my own.
I became jealous when I would post a status update and no one (or few) would comment
I became jealous when I saw others doing stuff/things that I couldn’t
IT BECAME UGLY!!!
My blog is no different!!! I am faced with another difficult choice; to deactivate the ‘comment’ section of my blog, for the same reasons I left FB. When I sign into my blog, the first thing I do is see if someone has left me a comment…I scroll down past my post with great anticipation only to discover that I have 0 comments. It’s like letting air out of a dozen birthday balloons! Sadness, self pity, jealousy, depressed ~ just to name a few. I LOVE to blog, as I have so much to say! :0) BUT I do not need to be concerned about what other’s think about what I’ve written. Don’t get me wrong, I love to make people laugh (especially my husband) and I love it when people find me funny. Yet, I’ve said it before and I am saying it again {because apparently I didn’t hear myself the first time}, I need to write for me! A place to express my thoughts, feelings, ramblings; a place to have a record of our life that I can share for years to come (I better get on that whole blog to book thing while I’m still thinking about it).
Everyday is a process. I go through withdrawals like a candy addict giving up chocolate! I crave it and have to talk myself off the cliff. I sit at my computer and think “just a little peek” onto the other FB accounts in the house…that won’t be too bad right?!? And as quickly as that thought arrives I have to dismiss it with the knowledge and understanding I am gaining from God’s word!!! I am longing to become more and more like Daniel; one who has a keen mind and knowledge and understanding, one who is trustworthy and neither corrupt nor negligent, one with great integrity.
I do still have an email account where I can be reached, if needed. And…to the 1 or to the masses who find this blog even remotely worth your time in reading ~ Thanks…I’ll be here all day…week…month…year!
