Freshly fallen Snow

There is something utterly glorious about freshly falling snow.

Can you hear it?

That amazingly reverent sound of falling snowflakes! So beautiful ~ so quiet ~ so peaceful ~ as though all is well in the world.

The other morning we woke to snow...not much in comparison to some places, but snow nonetheless.

It was magical.

You could actually hear 'softness' falling from the sky. The world was still asleep, the sky unusually dark grey, but the snow fell - in big whispy flakes landing ever so gently on the ground. It's as though it was calling for moments of complete peaceful splendor - a call to quiet and REST!

What a gift!   ~   A moment to just 'be still'!

There was just enough snow on the ground to mess up any plans for traveling of any kind over the next few hours. Not enough to render one 'snow-bound' yet just enough to cause havoc on the roadways; enough to cause one to have to put aside any agenda they had to be busy 'out there' and give opportunity to stay inside and allow oneself to relax...even for just a moment.

Did I mention how much I hate the snow?! For real, I really do! Yes...it is beautiful and magical and whimsical...but for me, there is this pending feeling of being trapped, stuck, stranded. I may not have any place to go or anything that I have to do yet when it snows, I'm left feeling agitated, restless, impatient...not in control of what I need want to do (okay, alright so I have a little issue here...).

This particular morning, the Lord graciously reminded me that often times in our lives we NEED a snow day! A day filled with quiet, peacefulness, stillness, reflection. A day filled with setting aside our 'agendas' and saying YES to rest, connection, FUN, maybe even a little of the unknown!

We (my family specifically here) can get caught up so tightly in our own little lives with work, school, house, financial, fiance's, children...you name it, that we loose sight of what is important...moments shared together - bonding - creating memories - having fun!

It was truly a gift for me. I witnessed 2 of my boys have the opportunity to play on the computer together ~ something they have not been 'afforded' the time to do in a long while. It was at that moment I realized how 'wound' up I had become inside and it made me wonder how many 'moments' I had missed?!

So, every now and again, I'm going to give myself a "snow day" whether there is snow outside or not ~ whether I think I need it or not! I am going to allow myself the GIFT of rest ~ peace ~ quiet.

She's the "B" word...no, really!

 I met up with a friend recently! I recognized her right away, even though it had been a little while since we last met. She looked tired, even a little haggered - but then again that's what 'aging' does to ya, right?! We sat and had coffee and reminisced about the good 'ole 'younger' days, when life seemed simpler...sweeter even. 

You know, thinking about it, I suppose you would have to define the word 'friend' as to whether or not she should be called this. I think I would prefer to refer to her as more of an acquaintance in my life, cause a friend is typically an individual whom I would get excited to spend time with; I can't say that I care to spend any time at all with her- but nevertheless, she continues to hang around with no real hope of departure from my life! ugh...like a bad stain on a new t-shirt.

Truth be told, she's actually quite a bitch! Yep, I did indeed use the 'b' word and have no regret or remorse for doing so (said with my nose held high in the air). She deserves this title and I would tell it to her face...if I wasn't so highly affected by her ways. When she's around she has the power to occupy all of your time, space, energy - she's a LIFE SUCKER! Y'all know what I mean.

Why just the other day she lunged and struck out taking all in her pathway hostage never once considering the damage in her path; all the while out for total annihilation and control, not once looking back to consider her causalities. I mean seriously, she did not care - not care a single bit that she left many wading in the wake of her storm... the nerve of some people - sheesh! Do not be fooled! After this whirlwind of utter and complete chaos, it's as though I found her standing on the street corner with a cigarette in her hand - flashing me that snarky look of 'what's your problem?!'.

Well listen here ~ I will tell you what my problem is!!!

She's mean... and - and rude and - and inconsiderate, yes that's right inconsiderate and quite honestly, I hate her! Yep I really, really do. And for the record, I would shout it from the rooftops, I hate you Menopause!

You know what sister?!  You can take your cute little acronym PMS or whatever you wanna call yourself and shove it where the sun don't shine.

You and your good-for-nothing night sweats leaving me soaked to the core and shivering on a chilly night. You and your annoying swinging pendulum of moods ~ yeah you think you are so cute...la, la, la...swinging from tears at the sound of a raindrop to feeling on top of Kilimanjaro back down to I'm gonna kill YOUR man-jar-o. Or how about you waking me up out of a perfectly good sleep only to leave me lying there bug-eyed and vexed because the zzzz's have bugged out like a cock-roach in a well-lit room.  For the record, I shed enough hair to outfit Abigail's American Girl doll with an alternate wig for the winter. Trust me...I could go on!

You have the complete power to take a perfectly kind and gentle woman hostage turning her into something that resembles a cross between a horror and alien invasion movie. Why just the other day I literally lopped off my hubby's head and sat there gnawing on the open flesh like a lion who'd just conquered her prey...ALL because he chose a parking spot 4 spaces away from the door! I mean seriously, how could he?! Didn't he even know?!

Who am I?? This is not me, I promise. It's almost like I am sitting on the other side of the one-way glass with a large bag of Pirate's booty and a tall iced latte watching the madness unfold before my eyes. I'm cranky. I'm grumpy. I'm irritable about the littlest of things. I cry - well quite frankly because I can, dammit! Do not take me to the mall this holiday season as I'm likely to go postal on whomever gets in my way. I ache. I'm completely indecisive. I can actually see, know and understand that I am completely irrational these days and don't seem to have the power to get in front of it, Lord help me! 

God have mercy on my body, mind and spirit as well as my poor family, for they are the innocent victims (well most of the time ;-) )!!

And to all of my sweet friends  ~ should I encounter you in a "state" that does not exemplify my best qualities, please know that I'm sorry, I love you dearly and thank you for the grace you extend.

I hope to be back soon, real soon. Maybe if I think of this as some sort of vacation, yeah that's it, a vacation! A sick and twisted torturous vacation where I'm not even likely to get a dumb t-shirt out of the deal, but clearly a pause or break in the normalcy of ME ~ then maybe just maybe I might survive this so-called chapter in my book.

Dear Dad,

I miss you! It's really pretty plain and simple. I miss your hugs. I miss your laugh - oh boy could you laugh! I miss your tears every time you would talk about those whom you loved. I miss your book recommendations - no really I do. Even if I never had the desire to read them, I love how much you loved reading in your later years! I miss your eyes - so truly blue and filled with wonder and sparkle. You spoke volumes through those eyes.

I'll be honest, it's really easy to think about the things we wish we'd said or wish we'd done, but you know what...I don't regret anything Dad! I know you loved me from the very first moment until the day you went home to be with Jesus. I pray you know I loved you just as much! I LOVE that you and Mom sacrificed so much to say YES to bringing me into your family. I cherish all of my years growing up from a young girl into an adolescent to a young adult and now, a woman! I cherish the time you spent with the boys - teaching them so much - allowing them grace in so much including ride-on lawnmower crashes into trees and such while learning how to maneuver it. I cherish the time you did get to be Abigail's grandpa! She clearly captured a spot in your heart that was meant for her from the beginning of time!  Oh sure, I will always wish I had asked you more questions about your youth or your grandparents or even how to carve! My ONLY regret is that we didn't get more minutes, hours, days, weeks, years to spend together.

But, it's all good Dad! The other morning Abigail and I were talking about her ancestors. Mom had a conversation with her and told her that her great, great grandmother's name was Lulu. Abigail chuckled at the cuteness of the name! We talked about you...she misses you! I asked her what was grandpa really good at - she replied 'carving'. I then told her that God must have had a really big carving project in heaven that he needed you there for. It seemed to settle her sorrow, and frankly it settles mine just a tad.

By the way, Mom is doing fabulous! Oh sure, she's got the usual aches and pains that come with being geriatric - I tease her about this often as she doesn't like the term. We get a big kick out of it together- especially since Tanner told us that from an EMT/Firefighter/Medical stand, 55 and older is considered geriatric so she makes a point to tell me I'm not that far off myself! :-)  She's headed to the Philippines in a few weeks and we are all so very excited for her and extremely proud of her for making such a trip as this.  In Aug-Sept she took that trip with Yvette to the mid-west and sadly while she was gone Cuddles passed. Can't believe that mangy cat survived this long. It was really hard on Mom though as Cuddles hung in there for her after you passed. She's got a new little kitten now - Mittens (Abigail named her). She's an adorable calico kitten that lavishes love on Mom - such a good companion. BUT, she's a kitten with all the energy that a kitten holds. Like I tell Mom, Abigail keeps Brian and I young - this kitten will do the same for her! In case you wondered...I've got Mom covered, but then again you always knew I would. :-)

This year has been a tough one. Lots of changes it seems. Adjusting to Dalton being gone I think took it's toll this year. Hawaii is so far away - he's doing so well - but it's still so far away. He's headed to Ranger School in Georgia in about 15 days. I know how proud you were of him already - I know how proud you'd be of him NOW. Tanner and Bailey getting married - wow Dad. Your very first grandchild getting married. I only wish you were here to witness it yourself. She's delightful. It'll be quite the adjustment now having 2 of my 4 gone and moving on with their lives. Tanner is almost done with EMT academy - tomorrow is his final exam. So hard to believe he's made it this far - not that we never thought it would happen, rather how fast this time has gone and to watch him move forward is amazing. He's working full-time as an electrician apprentice - you'd be so proud! Noah's working hard this year finishing up high school and working part-time. He's such a fine young man - full face of facial hair to prove it too. I am so proud of all of them Dad! They are beautiful men with beautiful hearts - every momma's wish!

Princess...well the title sums it up I think! She's taking ballet and doing really well. Kindergarten has been good for her - a little rough patch of not wanting to be away from mom - sound familiar?! She's so smart, funny, kind, loving...she's the most beautiful and difficult thing in our lives that we've ever had to journey through and I'm so thankful God appointed us!!!

Brian and I are doing great - but then again you always knew that we would. He's the best thing that's come into my life. I am the woman I am today because of his love, grace, mercy, humor, kindness, leadership and instruction. I know you loved him as one of your very own and he loved you as a father (in-law factor never even came into the equation). Ministry was good for us for all of those years - but truth be told Dad, seeing him now, he's a different man. More at ease, relaxed, comfortable in his own skin.

We all miss you. Thank you for 81 years of sacrificial giving, loving...of you! WE are blessed beyond words to have had the privilege of so many years. You are remembered so often - through the people we meet, things we see, life we experience. You left a mark Dad on all of our lives...thank you!!!

All my love,

Ruthie