Dear Dad,

December 13, 2012

Dear Dad,

            That wintry morning, answering my cell phone with the word’s “Ped Cell” written across the front, “Hey Mom”, I was startled to hear not mom’s voice, but rather a male voice I didn’t recognize. The body at this point begins its “out-of-body” experience as the words coming across the line sounded a mix between something like the parents in a ‘Charlie Brown’ movie and real words. “My name is _______, I am with the Duvall Fire Department. We are here at your parent’s house. Your mother wanted me to call you. Your dad has (insert wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah…) collapsed. He is in full (insert more wah, wah, wah,wah, wah,wah…) cardiac arrest. We are trying to get his heart to start beating again…” The rest, well, wah, wah, wah! I remember Brian and Dalton standing there in my bedroom eyes wide, wondering what the heck was going on! I didn’t freak out or fall apart or even cry at this point! I knew Dad that I was needed at this moment probably more than I’ve ever been needed before. I had the task of informing both Danny and Mark about the situation. Man was that hard. I immediately called Danny and the moment I said – “it’s Dad” he began wailing and weeping…almost unbearable to remember even at this point. I’d never heard anything like it before in my life! Man I wish you had been there – you’d have known what to do/say. The rest is…well…your history ~ our history ~ my history!!!

Wesley David Pedersen ~ 9/11/30 - 12/13/11

 

            Wow…even as I sit to write this, I can hardly believe that a year has gone by since…well, um, since you changed your permanent address from Duvall to HEAVEN! Not gonna lie…it totally sucks!!! We certainly weren’t planned nor prepared for an event such as this ~ and yet regardless of how we feel about it; we are living in the wake of it!

            The year certainly has been eventful (to say the least J). The first few months were hard. Alright, alright, you were always one who said it like it was ~ the first few months were HELL. You were right when you told Mom that you were totally confident that if something happened to you, the kids would take care of her!

We did! We do! And, We are!

            You’d be so proud of Mom though! She’s stronger than she thinks and proves it day after day. There are days when she says she doesn’t think she’s going to make it…but she does, rather she is! She doesn’t like it ~ actually hates it quite a bit. There are days when the tears seem endless and there are days when the laughter fills the room. She is learning how to live in spite of her grief. She made the choice to take a trip to David’s during this year anniversary. Actually kind-of shocked me a tiny but and yet, I totally understand why she went! You would totally approve too. I can hear you saying to her, “Go Carolyn, have a good time and enjoy the sunshine for me!”

            Abigail adores her ~ she’s filling that place in Mom’s heart that only a special little 5 yr old can fill. You’d be so proud of the boys too, they take extra care with/about her asking often ‘how is grandma today’ or giving her that extra hug knowing it’s just what she needs right then. I know you were always so incredibly proud of Brian for the husband he’s been to me and the father he’s been to your grandchildren, but he has truly taken great care and effort in taking care of Mom ~ protecting her, loving her well. Dalton, oh my goodness Dad I know how much you tear up when you saw me or the kids – but seriously watching him stand there in front of all of us (we took Mom with us by the way) in his uniform ~ well Dad, you would have been a mess of tears. The honor it held was incredible. It not only would have but I know it did make you so proud and not only as his grandpa but as a fellow Army soldier – one to another!

            As for me…well you know me Dad; the strong resilient one. I have managed to pick up the pieces when others couldn’t. I’ve been able to walk Mom through the mental and emotional road of recovery. Truth is, yes I may be strong and resilient, but I miss you terribly – sometimes my heart just aches. Tears come when they want to – I have no control over them. I think that what hurts more than anything is experiencing those memorable moments knowing your not there (nor ever will be again) to experience them too. Seeing Dalton graduate from boot camp, watching Abigail’s first ballet recital, hearing Tanner play guitar in the worship band at church, ordering a coffee from Noah at Starbuck’s and watching him work…among the many future graduations, weddings, grandchildren!

            Dad, I love you! I miss you and I wish you were here more than anything. Yet, Jesus called you home…HOME! To a place of no more suffering, no more pain, no more tears (even if many of them were joyful). You are Whole again and we praise God for that. Yesterday was a really tough day for me; your death spanned over a 2 day period making this grieving thing more complicated for sure! J Nonetheless, yesterday my devotional was so perfect, I just know you’d want to hear it: Thank you Jesus!

            “I AM TAKING CARE OF YOU. Feel the warmth and security of being enveloped in My loving Presence. Every detail of your life is under My control. Moreover, everything fits into a pattern for good to those who love Me and are called according to My design and purpose.

            Because the world is in an abnormal, fallen condition, people tend to think that chance governs the universe. Events may seem to occur randomly, with little or no meaning. People who view the world this way have overlooked one basic fact: the limitations of human understanding. What you know of the world you inhabit is only the tip of the iceberg. Submerged beneath the surface of the visible world are mysteries too vast for you to comprehend. If you could only see how close I am to you and how constantly I work on your behalf, you would never again doubt that I am wonderfully caring for you. This is why you must live by faith, not by sight; trusting in My mysterious majestic Presence! Romans 8:28; Job 42:1-3; 1 Peter 5:7 ; 2 Corinthians 5:7”

            What great comfort to know that my glorious King and Father is taking such great care of not only my Dad but me! The legacy of you goes on and on, in the people whose lives you’ve touched and loved. Thank you Dad, it’s been an incredible ride and journey.

                                                                        All my love,

                                                                        Ruthie