I miss you! It's really pretty plain and simple. I miss your hugs. I miss your laugh - oh boy could you laugh! I miss your tears every time you would talk about those whom you loved. I miss your book recommendations - no really I do. Even if I never had the desire to read them, I love how much you loved reading in your later years! I miss your eyes - so truly blue and filled with wonder and sparkle. You spoke volumes through those eyes.
I'll be honest, it's really easy to think about the things we wish we'd said or wish we'd done, but you know what...I don't regret anything Dad! I know you loved me from the very first moment until the day you went home to be with Jesus. I pray you know I loved you just as much! I LOVE that you and Mom sacrificed so much to say YES to bringing me into your family. I cherish all of my years growing up from a young girl into an adolescent to a young adult and now, a woman! I cherish the time you spent with the boys - teaching them so much - allowing them grace in so much including ride-on lawnmower crashes into trees and such while learning how to maneuver it. I cherish the time you did get to be Abigail's grandpa! She clearly captured a spot in your heart that was meant for her from the beginning of time! Oh sure, I will always wish I had asked you more questions about your youth or your grandparents or even how to carve! My ONLY regret is that we didn't get more minutes, hours, days, weeks, years to spend together.
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But, it's all good Dad! The other morning Abigail and I were talking about her ancestors. Mom had a conversation with her and told her that her great, great grandmother's name was Lulu. Abigail chuckled at the cuteness of the name! We talked about you...she misses you! I asked her what was grandpa really good at - she replied 'carving'. I then told her that God must have had a really big carving project in heaven that he needed you there for. It seemed to settle her sorrow, and frankly it settles mine just a tad.
By the way, Mom is doing fabulous! Oh sure, she's got the usual aches and pains that come with being geriatric - I tease her about this often as she doesn't like the term. We get a big kick out of it together- especially since Tanner told us that from an EMT/Firefighter/Medical stand, 55 and older is considered geriatric so she makes a point to tell me I'm not that far off myself! :-) She's headed to the Philippines in a few weeks and we are all so very excited for her and extremely proud of her for making such a trip as this. In Aug-Sept she took that trip with Yvette to the mid-west and sadly while she was gone Cuddles passed. Can't believe that mangy cat survived this long. It was really hard on Mom though as Cuddles hung in there for her after you passed. She's got a new little kitten now - Mittens (Abigail named her). She's an adorable calico kitten that lavishes love on Mom - such a good companion. BUT, she's a kitten with all the energy that a kitten holds. Like I tell Mom, Abigail keeps Brian and I young - this kitten will do the same for her! In case you wondered...I've got Mom covered, but then again you always knew I would. :-)
This year has been a tough one. Lots of changes it seems. Adjusting to Dalton being gone I think took it's toll this year. Hawaii is so far away - he's doing so well - but it's still so far away. He's headed to Ranger School in Georgia in about 15 days. I know how proud you were of him already - I know how proud you'd be of him NOW. Tanner and Bailey getting married - wow Dad. Your very first grandchild getting married. I only wish you were here to witness it yourself. She's delightful. It'll be quite the adjustment now having 2 of my 4 gone and moving on with their lives. Tanner is almost done with EMT academy - tomorrow is his final exam. So hard to believe he's made it this far - not that we never thought it would happen, rather how fast this time has gone and to watch him move forward is amazing. He's working full-time as an electrician apprentice - you'd be so proud! Noah's working hard this year finishing up high school and working part-time. He's such a fine young man - full face of facial hair to prove it too. I am so proud of all of them Dad! They are beautiful men with beautiful hearts - every momma's wish!
Princess...well the title sums it up I think! She's taking ballet and doing really well. Kindergarten has been good for her - a little rough patch of not wanting to be away from mom - sound familiar?! She's so smart, funny, kind, loving...she's the most beautiful and difficult thing in our lives that we've ever had to journey through and I'm so thankful God appointed us!!!
Brian and I are doing great - but then again you always knew that we would. He's the best thing that's come into my life. I am the woman I am today because of his love, grace, mercy, humor, kindness, leadership and instruction. I know you loved him as one of your very own and he loved you as a father (in-law factor never even came into the equation). Ministry was good for us for all of those years - but truth be told Dad, seeing him now, he's a different man. More at ease, relaxed, comfortable in his own skin.
We all miss you. Thank you for 81 years of sacrificial giving, loving...of you! WE are blessed beyond words to have had the privilege of so many years. You are remembered so often - through the people we meet, things we see, life we experience. You left a mark Dad on all of our lives...thank you!!!
All my love,
Ruthie
