10 Weeks and 3 days!

'Captains log:
It's been 10 weeks and 3 days since we've last spotted movement on Planet loving to the fullest. Our suspicions are that all known lifeforms have gone into hibernation...'

Hibernation...aw yes, that's exactly what this has been...a time to crawl in a hole and come out when the grass definitely is greener (and longer) than it was before...

Actually, no particular reason what-so-ever and yet EVERY reason in the book why blogging got shelved!

Let's just say for lack of better words, LIFE HAPPENED! And then it happened some more. To even begin to re-cap the events that have taken place, would take...well, just about 10 weeks and 3 days! My head is racing right now, rushing with ideas of how I could ramble on the details in less than a minute like some comedians can do and yet my fingers wouldn't be able to keep up.

FACT: 4 months ago I accepted a job as a preschool asst helper with 2 & 3yrs at Princess' preschool just 3 mornings a week.

FACT: 3 1/2 months ago I lost my Dad; a great man who loved God, who loved his family (couldn't talk about them without tears), who had a ginormous heart for the poor and heavy-burdened, who loved to carve, who clearly loved life!

FACT: Grieving the loss of him has been hard, sometimes unbearable and often just down-right sucks!

FACT: About 1- 1/2 months ago, I quit my job at the preschool to help walk my Mom through her journey of grieving and healing.

FACT: I continue to raise my 4 kids (thank goodness - though times hibernating from them does seem like a good choice :-) ); helping each one of them maneuver through the challenges, joys, trials of their lives.

FACT: I am THE wife to THE most amazing man on this planet (yes, the loving to the fullest planet...and BEYOND!); who accepts me just where I am no matter what.

FACT: I will be sending off my oldest son to the ARMY, just 6 weeks from today.

FACT: I will be sending off my 2nd son to Ethiopia for a missions trip in just about 3 1/2 months.

FACT: My 3rd son (as well as my 2nd) have recently begun to get connected at our previous church both in youth group and youth worship band and are coming alive in Christ, shining His glory throughout!

FACT: I have a 4 1/2 year old daughter who thinks she should have the same privileges as her older brothers, has the attitude of a teenager, says the cutest things ("When I was born in China, all the people around me spoke Chinese" ~ good to know!) and can bring us JOY and often unpleasant words to mind - sometimes all at the same moment!

FACT: I have THE most amazing girlfriends EVER!!! These ladies signed up for a job that clearly they never realized they were getting themselves into. The journey has been dirty, chaotic, irrational, painful and often just plain flipping hilarious (no really, I am super funny to laugh at). I couldn't nor wouldn't want to do life without them.

FACT: It's incredibly easy to, not only get stuck, but stay stuck in my little small story!

Amen, right!?! How many times do you ~ me ~  we find ourselves sharing with others when asked, "how are you doing?" or "how are things going?", the same answer or a version of the same story comes out of our mouths??? I know I'm guilty. I can continue to stay stuck in my small story of how busy I am or how hard it is for me to deal with the death of my dad or __________(pick one, right?!?) And yet, I am so much more than the circumstances I find myself in today, tomorrow, next week... In no way does it diminish the pain I feel, stress I carry, worry I have...yet, I need to choose to constantly submit my 'small story' to the Lord and allow Him to transform me in and through that story. There will always be 'stuff' to go through, deal with, sort out. My perspective on and of that 'stuff' is what matters.  In my daily devotional, yesterday's message spoke to this very topic. It reads from the point of view as God speaking to us, it said, "Are you looking at problems through your perspective or mine? On your own, you see an insurmountable mountain - a "giant" of a problem - while I see a tiny dot on the roadmap of your life. From my vantage point, the problem pales in comparison to the solution I've provided."

So...in short long...10 weeks and 3 days, LIFE is good, but God is greater!

Homemade Caramel Apple Bundles

So...while make a trip to Costco the day before New Year's Eve, hubby and I were wandering down the refigerated aisle and lucky us, were met with a sample station sampling "Chudleigh's Caramel Apple Blossoms". We fell in love...at first taste. Who knew there could be so much flavor in such a little bite. Nonetheless, we loaded our cart with not one, but two boxes...we were set.

Set my foot!!! 24 blossoms in a house full of boys...okay a mom who can't resist them...let's just say we were addicted.

Went back last week to buy more...GONE!!! G O N E, gone. It is considered a seasonal item and therefore won't carry it till next year. UGH, whatever are we going to do. I went home and searched the internet high and low to find where I could buy these delicious tasty treats...no where, or at least in our state!

So what's a girl to do when she can't satisfy here addiction...find a way to make your own!!! I give you my own creation. (I will work on making them again and take pictures of each stage).

Homemade Caramel Apple Bundles

(can't really call them blossoms as I can't shape the pie dough that well).

Apple filling

3 Tbsp butter

4 Tbsp brown sugar

¼ cup water (you could substitute for another liquid)

3 apples (I used Gala cause that’s what I had) peeled, cored and cut into tiny pieces

1 Tbsp cinnamon

Homemade creamy caramel

½ cup sugar

3 ½ Tbsp butter

¼ cup half & half (recipe called for heavy whipping cream but I didn’t have it on hand)

I followed this gal’s instructions to a T and it worked perfectly.

Pour the amount of sugar you want in a heavy saucepan and
turn it on med-hi heat.
When you see the edges of the sugar
start to brown, stir it up a bit. It will be lumpy, but it will keep melting.
Stir it around,(and don't worry about stirring, that "no stirring rule" only applies when you are boiling sugar and water together) and when all the lumps are melted and gone, the caramel will be a nice dark amber.
This is when you add the cream. Stand back! It will splutter up at you like crazy and the steam can burn you, so be careful.
Add a little cream at a time, because it bubbles up high, and you don't want it to boil over. Add as much cream as you desire, depending on how stiff you want the caramel to be...the less cream you add the harder it will be as it cools. I wish I could tell you exact amounts....I just eyeball it everytime I make it, I never measure (sorry I can't be more specific).

After you add the cream, let it cook a bit....maybe about 3 minutes or so. Then, take it off the heat, add a couple pats of butter (maybe about one ounce or so), and a couple tablespoons vanilla. Stir and let cool.

You should have a nice, smooth, dark, creamy caramel...not grainy.

I then poured the caramel onto a large piece of waxed paper (you could use parchment) and cut it into the squares I would need to place on top of the bundle.

Bundle Crust

In an effort to save time, I used a ready made purchased pie crust. I rolled it out into the circle.

Cut it into 4 pieces.

Taking each piece I gently rolled it out just a bit and took my pizza roller cutting it into a smaller circle.

Place a dollop of apple pie filling in the middle.

Lay a piece of homemade caramel on top

Begin to fold the edges around.

I brushed the top of the bundle with the remaining apple filling sauce and sprinkled with sugar.

Bake 400 degrees for about 15-18 minutes (till just browned).

Enjoy…we certainly did!!!

Merry Christmas to all...

Not gonna lie...

this is the season of JOY (or at least supposed to be)

the season of HOPE (even just a little is enough)

the season of New LIFE...a baby born to save mankind

and yet, this season brings grieving and mourning...something I have not personally experienced until now.

I KNOW in my heart that my dad is in the best place ever; a place of PEACE, LOVE, JOY like we have never known. But still I struggle to keep my mind on what this season is really all about.

Living in mixed blessing...

Trudging through the Fog

Experiencing one of those things you can never ever be prepared for nor even understand to the fullest extent unless you have been through it yourself...

Mourning!

Missing my dad terribly.

It's been one week to the day of the phone call I received from the Fire Department telling me my dad had collapsed! Feeling like I need to share the story...or at least the events that led up to. There are many details I'm sure I will miss, but they'll come in due time!

Sunday, December 11, 2011 was the last time I saw, touched, kissed, hugged, talked to my Dad...it was my birthday and they stopped by to see me. I am so sad to even think that my birthday will forever be linked to the last time I ever saw him AND I am elated with JOY because I DID get to see him, as there are many who have experienced a loved one pass away that they've not seen/or talked with in a while.

Monday morning, December 12, 2011 as I was getting into the shower I heard the sirens (we live 2 blocks from Fire Department) take off and thought to myself, "Oh boy, that's not a good sign," and proceeded with getting ready for work. After my shower, I walked out of the bathroom into my bedroom to my cell phone ringing...it said "mom cell" and I figured it was her calling to get an answer from me about a message she left the night before. It was 7:15am. I answered, "Hey Mom!" and was met with a man's voice, "Hi this is Ryan..." I pulled the cell phone down and looked again at my caller id to double check I had read it right the first time and put the phone back up to my ear and responded, "Um..." He then repeated, "This is Ryan from the Fire Department. I am here with your mom, your dad had a heart attack and went into full cardiac arrest. We are working on him right now, trying to get his heart to beat again. Your Mom would like you to be here with her (I live 2 miles from her home)." Through shock and disbelief, I answered, not consciously, but still answered and said I'd be right there.

I hung up the phone and was shaking, but immediately called my brother Dan, who didn't answer right away, but then caught the tail end of it ringing before answering. As you can imagine the call was emotional...not the kind of call anyone wants to get nor deliver! I hung up and called my other brother, Mark and made it very clear, stay by your phone, I don't know details but I NEED YOU!!! I needed them to be available and take my call whenever they saw it ring. I grabbed my purse, Dalton grabbed his coat and off I went. Never before in my entire life did I want to break the law than that morning. I got caught behind a school bus that stopped at every street. I was tempted to pass it, but didn't. It really wouldn't have made any difference in my Dad's condition if I had. The EMT's were still working on him.

I arrived at my parents house and drove up the driveway to 7 aid vehicles. As I stopped halfway up the driveway, Dalton said he'd park my car. I got out and ran to the back deck. There I passed an EMT carrying out some equipment and I distinctly remember the look on his face...it was sad. I thought at that moment "This is it", I then rounded the corner to the dining room where my mom sat in a chair weeping, I thought at that point he was gone. Ryan, the one who'd called me saw me, introduced himself and began to share with me the situation. My dad was unconscious, they had to intubate him to help him breath and make sure if he threw up it didn't go down his lungs, they gave him medication to paralyze him so in the event he stirred he wouldn't panic and pull tubes out, they got his heart to beat again, blood pressure and pulse were steady enough to transport. They were getting ready to take him from their bedroom and put him into the ambulance. Can't believe I can even remember that much as my head was spinning.

They took my dad and I stayed with my mom while she dressed and we took off for the hospital. My brother Dan actually met the ambulance at the hospital (he lives a few mins away) and my brother Mark showed up just after mom and I parked the car. We were ushered into a waiting room in the ER and told to wait until they had brought him back down from CT scan (to find out what happened to his heart). Not sure what's worse, the waiting or the not knowing what's going on...probably both. Once they got him back to ER, they told us only 2 could go in at a time. My mom and I went...what I saw made me sick to my stomach. My dad lie on the gurney with tubes everywhere, iv's in both arms...but it was the way they were moving his head that bothered me. They bobbled it like a rag doll. He clearly was very unconscious. We were then escorted to another part of the hospital waiting room for they were moving him to have an angiogram to see what the heart was doing. More waiting...more moving as then we were escorted up to Critical Care where he would stay until he woke up. More tests...ultrasound to see what was going on. By mid-afternoon, my dad was settled in his hospital bed and we received the most puzzling news of the day. The cardiologist came in and talked with my mom and I and said it was confirmed my dad did not have a heart attack. There was no evidence in any of the tests they performed that suggests it. They didn't even think it was an A-fib issue either. He said that with the heart disease my dad had and the type of heart it was, when these patients flat-line (which he was at the scene at his home), they don't come back from it, so it was puzzling that his heart beat was steady and responsive the way it was. PAUSE... let that sink in...he didn't have a heart attack...okay then, what caused the collapse??? That is the mystery! Even to this day!

They were now at this point concerned about brain activity. Due to him being unconscious (at this point the debate could have been was his unconsciousness caused by self or medication because they'd given him sedation during transport and in ER), we had to wait 24-48 hours for the medication to run through and then they could do an EEG. So we waited...though not 24 or even 48 hours, rather less than 1 hour. The medication began to wear off and he began to show signs that there was something going on inside the brain...damage, to be honest.  A couple of family members had been in with dad and came back to the waiting room to tell us that he'd been shaking/convulsing a little bit...like a seizure. The nurse then came and told us that they were going to do an EEG. My mom was confused cause they told us 24-48 hours, why now? why so early?Truth is, they suspected that my dad had suffered brain damage though they needed to confirm it with the EEG before giving the final ruling. 

What took place over the next 8-10 hours was HELL!!! My dad convulsed and shook. It was horrifying to watch. They assured us that he didn't feel any of it, but that it was worse on us who were witnessing it. The shaking, convulsing and seizures was the process of the brain tissue dying off. The EEG confirmed it! He was gone...actually my mom and I believe he was gone when he hit the floor at the house. So why was the heart beating??? It's a lower brain function - heart and lungs.

We made the decision at this point that we would keep him hooked up to life support until my brother David and nephew could arrive on Tuesday from out of state. Once they arrived at the hospital, we gave both of them opportunity to say their good-byes and then we all gathered back into my dad's room, all 22 family, friends, pastors; my brother Mark prayed and ushered him into the arms of Jesus and we sang Amazing Grace! It was truly the most beautiful expression of love we could offer to not only my dad, but to the surrounding staff at the hospital, patients and visitors in other rooms because we were not quiet!!! The clouds rolled back and the gates of heaven opened, welcoming in their beloved Wes.

Dad...I love you more than words can say!

Thank you so much for giving me the gift of life through adoption.

I miss you deeply

I WILL see you again...please save me a seat!

Grieving MORE than words can say...

My dad passed away this afternoon at 3:11pm.

My heart is full of joy that he is sitting with Jesus...just shootin' the bull.

A bushel of pics...

Since working, I have been a little more occupied than I am used to!

Oh...did I mention that I got a job?!?

Truly a "GOD" story for sure. Back in August, I 'hung' up my mop and broom after 3 years of cleaning a local chiropractor office. Hubby and I talked about if something should ever come along that fits the schedule of the 'house' that I could take it. About a month ago I was reading through one of Abigail's weekly preschool updates and noticed that one of the assistants in the early preschool classroom was going back to school. Funny how I had just told hubby that week that I was wanting to put my name in with the director in the event that they ever had anything available. So I quickly emailed her and well...bibity, bobity, boo I got the job and have been working for the past 3 weeks. I assist the early preschool teacher (2.5 - 3yrs old) every Mon, Wed and Fri mornings while Abigail is in her classroom right next door. It truly cannot be more perfect as I am not taking any time away from being her mommy!

BUT...I will have to say, I am exhausted. The constant business of 2.5 yr olds gives this 'ole' lady a run for her money.

AND YET...I am blessed!

Thank you Lord for providing such a perfect opportunity for me to serve You!

So, in my "spare" time, here's a little of whats going on.

 Nothing quite like having a Princess tea party with all your friends!

 A little turkey fun we made during Thanksgiving! Rice krispy balls with shortbread striped cookies and candy corn - throw in a little melted chocolate and gobble gobble!

 We MUST enjoy our little turkeys

 2 turkey's if I ever saw...

 NO, she's not modeling her mommy's behavior, but yes she is in my shoes with purse and cell phone in hand having a conversation with I can't quite remember.

 The daddy and his princess!

 Sometimes she just has the cutest facial expressions!

 A'las, the tree! We managed to get it up after Thanksgiving with only "mild" cursing! (okay there really wasn't cursing but a whole lot of 'I really hate this tree' comments! Due to severe allergies in our home, we cannot have a real tree).

 This ornament below is extremely unique! As you see, it is a glass ball with a heart in it (or as Abigail first said, 'look mickey mouse ears'). You see, while I was unpacking all the ornaments I got to the box of christmas balls and when I pick this one up I realize that it had broke...literally in the shape of this heart! I am not kidding, I took it out of the box and turned it around and the 2 broken pieces lie before still in the box. You couldn't create a heart this perfect if you tried really hard!

 If you didn't recognize him, here is Nick and me the night of our family Christmas kick-off (dinner and the movie ELF). Doesn't he look fantastic!

Over the turkey and onto the tree

Oh my golly gosh! I cannot believe Thanksgiving is already over and the swirl and whirl of Christmas...well it's already been brewing and visible from just about everywhere you go. We got to spend Thanksgiving at one of Brian's brothers house where the food was just how you dreamed it would be and the silliness and practical fun lived up to family standards ;-).

I mean seriously the number of commercials over the past couple of days advertising the you can't nor shouldn't miss 'black Friday' shopping events starting before you've cleared the dinner table and set it for dessert almost competes with all the 'said' political campaign ads for the next election!

NO, I am not a bu**-crack of dawn black Friday shopper!!! I see no reason to miss out on optimum sleep just to go out in the cold and fight the grumpy men, women and children for that one (or whatever number I would need to buy) item that happens to have been advertised for that low, low price, but only between the hours of 12:00am & 12:42am. It WILL go on sale again...maybe even cheaper if I shop smart!

Nonetheless, Thanksgiving day is done, the pie is almost gone and thus dawns a new day...a new advent season to celebrate the MOST important birthday ever! We are excited!

"Glory to God in the Highest"

Hot off the press!!!

Well, since my son made it "face-book" official tonight...I figured that it was appropriate for me to blog post about it.

At 3:00pm on Thursday, November 10, 2011, our oldest son Dalton was officially sworn into enlistment with the United States Army!!! He will ship out for boot camp (9 weeks) and AIT (5 weeks) on May 8, 2012 to Georgia, after which he will have a short leave home before being stationed at his new post (home) for the next 3+ years.

We are incredibly thrilled!

We are incredibly proud of him and his decision.

We are incredibly excited to see how passionate he is about his future!

Making the most of FALL

It was such a nice day today that Noah and I decided to take Abigail out to shoot some pictures while the weather is still a bit enjoyable...(Please don't mistake me ~ enjoyable by no means means warm...just dry). I'm still not totally impressed with what my little camera does from time to time, but nonetheless they are still cute!

 Noah got his braces off yesterday and man oh man what a smile that boy has!!!

 My boys LOVE their sister and here's the proof in living color

 Noah couldn't resist getting the Mommy in on the occasion

I'll give you one guess what Little Miss Baby-Cakes wanted to be for her Harvest Party at Preschool?

P R I N C E S S ! ! !

Okay, so this one just screams " un-uh, oh no you ditn't"

And what would a Princess outfit be without the BLING!!!?

It's all about the SEASON!!!

 It's official...Last Saturday was Abigail's very first pumpkin carving event!

And...she seems to be all smiles for this one.

 Sadly, Daddy and Tanner weren't home for this event, but we still managed to get the job done.

 AND...even enjoyed a few snapshots along the way! This one here is actually taken by sweet Miss Abigail all by herself. Gotta admit, not too shabby.

 Ta-DAH!!!

Though Abigail tried to tell me what 'face' she wanted on her pumpkin, I didn't find out until today (Tuesday) what she really meant. 

 Another photo op done by Princess Abigail. Fortunately, she managed to only cut off part of the pumpkins head, not mine!

 With "flash'

Without flash...my preference, for sure.